Where Are All The Men??

It's been almost a month since I was challenged to go out with at least one new dude a week. I have yet to go out on a date but it's not for a lack of trying.

I do have a type. I love hella geeky, kinda chubby, bald or balding, smart, sarcastic, funny, introverted  white dudes who have that whole Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing behind close doors. Looks don't mean shit. I'm all about that personality and how easy it is to be around a dude. But in an effort to fulfill my challenge, I've done the unspeakable and have agreed to go out with a couple of handsome dudes, a few rich ones and even a *gulp* Mexican dude. Desperate times, desperate measures. Even though I've left my comfort zone, I'm still at a complete and total loss.

Maybe I'm old fashioned but I raised to let the man, be the man. I was taught to never chase a dude. That if a man is interested in you, he will make damn sure to let you know so you don't go looking for new dick. I was told that a real man, while courting, plans the date with consideration of your location and interests. But I don't think it goes down that way anymore. I seriously think men have been on a slow and steady decline ever since they stopped wearing hats back in the 50s. Say what you want but the dudes back then, were men. 

Before today I have accepted a total of 4 dates. One dude ghosted me after I refused to call him first. Another dude, is someone I dated before. We were supposed to go day drinking and be done by 4 so he could pick his kid up but he decided not to day drink with me after I told him I had an appointment at 4...? I can't even. The other two dudes asked me out but wanted me to plan the date...?!?! I feel like I'm caught in a Twilight Zone version of Sex and the City. 

But seriously, WHERE HAVE ALL THE REAL MEN GONE?? When did it start being ok to "maybe grab a beer" after you're done with whatever plans you have going on??? Who are these chicks that let guys get away with "hanging out"??? What's even worse is when they all together skip the dating part and just ask to fuck. Am I the only chick willing to tell them the truth about how desperate they look??? Do they not know how unattractive it is to come across as hard up as they do?!? How and when did it all get so out of hand??? What has happened to "dating"....?!? When did men start acting like chicks?!!? Dudes acting like bitches is an epidemic that warrants the attention of every American in our country. It's like a defective condom spreading a disease with every pelvic thrust. A disease jeopardizing our great nation and our ability to not only sustain but also to progress. If we don't get a handle on this, before you know it, this disease will only become stronger. So strong that eventually it will evolve into a new generation of men being born sans nut sacks. Don't believe me? Stop and look around. The writing is on the wall. There is evidence of  it everywhere. The time is near. You have been warned.

But I digress. I will persevere and press on. I'm still going to see this dating challenge through. I do, after all, have a couple of dates lined up this week. And if all goes well and they come through, maybe, just maybe I'll have actual men show up and not some bitch ass dudes too afraid to be men. 

Hashtag wishmeluck

Peace, Love & Baseball,

30 Dates

I've been issued a challenge, 30 dates or better put, going out on a date once a week. Shouldn't be hard...but then again, dating is total bullshit.

For instance, I once went out on a date with a dude who was hella funny, smart, well read, educated, well spoken, interesting, mad cooking skills and not only did he love beer but KNEW way more about beer than me. Rare find. However, he also kept a bandanna in his back pocket to blow his nose. I don't know, something about that bandanna just screamed 'old dude' to me. After that, I couldn't picture myself naked with him in the same room. But that's just me. This dude gets hella ass. Like ass for days.

There is no rhyme or reason for makes me pop or lose a boner. It simply is what it is. Nor is anyone really safe from me losing my boner once they're with me. I was once dating this dude for a while that I was kinda into, like I saw him daily and had a drawer in my house for him into kind of way. But all that went up in flames when he decided to through a temper tantrum and literally STOMPED away from me and our group of friends in a public area. After he bitched out like a crazy chick covered in pink glitter, I couldn't get it up for him. Hard to get in the mood with a dude when all you can picture is THIS grown ass man stomping away like a little bitch baby without saying a word. Talk about being dick downed but in all the wrong ways.

When dating, you don't know you've stepped in shit until, well, in most cases, you're a drink and a half in and dinner's been ordered. At my age, you're used to it. You're even used to stepping in shit well after the dating has ended and a relationship has started. But to go out on a date knowing you're inevitably going to step in shit, eh...what's the point? While I'm all about taking my new challenge by the legs are fucking the shit out of it. I don't know if I can fully commit to just going out with any dude that asks me out, just for the sake of working my way through the dirty thirty.

I mean, I get the drill. The more I date increases the chance of finding a dude I can stand still with. Having a set frequency is going to force me out of my comfort zone and make me accept dates from men I typically wouldn't. Which in turn, will open up my playing field. I get it. I'm not a complete retard. But to accept a date from a dude that doesn't drink....???? Meeeeh, fuck that shit. I firmly believe, if you don't drink, then we have nothing in common. I drink daily. For work, with friends, with my cats and even alone. So what's the point of meeting the dude and possibly liking him if I can't play a round of golf and drink a beer? What about beer festivals, Oktoberfest, St. Patrick's Day, New Year's Eve, Cinco de Mayo, Opening Day, Thursdays...or for fuck's sake, what about my favorite past time of chasing rare brews??? What would we do when we're watching the game together....?!?! Too much going already and I haven't had the chance to flash him a little cleavage.

Stepping in shit is a given. It happens. But to willingly step in shit....??? Yeah, no thanks. While I would hate to fail my first week...I think I'd hate it even more if I had to fail sober. Besides, who knows, a lot can happen over the next day or two. A blind squirrel has been know to find her nut every once in a while.

Peace, Love & Baseball,

Question Most Asked and Hated

"How are you still single?!?"

Every time someone asks me that, I always have the same reaction.  Every. Single. Time. Almost like a programmed default setting. I feign flattery and fight the urge to punch the throat those words belong to, all while trying to decide which version of the truth to tell them. Which version will get me from point a, to point get me the fuck out of this subject the fastest? The only element that changes in my answer, is the excuse. It's a matter of choice, busy with work, busy with kids, busy with baseball, busy with my cats, there aren't any available good men, there aren't any available good men like my dad, I have a fear of commitment, I prefer to pass my time staring at glitter…you get the point. It's a struggle not because I can't face my truth or because I don't know the reason but more in fear of their inability to digest my answer. And let's be honest, I don't really believe anyone really wants the truth. I think if they did, then they'd start by asking the question honestly. 'How' isn't honest. It immediately relieves the questionee of any and all accountability. 'How' implies that perhaps your relationship status is something left to luck or to chance. As if the only reason you're still single is because of that mirror you broke back in the fifth grade or overslept that one fateful morning missing your chance meeting with the love of your life at Starbucks. 'Why' is honest. 'Why' kicks you in the nuts and holds you down by your throat until you answer. I think if anyone ever asked me why, "BBC, WHY are you still single?" I'd like to think I'd answer with a little something like this:

"Why? Hmm. Good question. You'd think being married and divorced by 20 and having two kids with two different dads would be reason enough. But no. I'm not that smart. I decided to go and "fall in love" with a man who felt, at best, I was ordinary - and I stayed with him for seven years. So naturally I decided the only logical thing to do after him, would to immediately get into another relationship with a man who was still in love with his ex-wife or the life he had with his ex-wife. After he dumped me, he decided to turn around and stalk me in a weird way that kinda suggested that I dumped him. I then made the decision to become involved with a man who had never been alone. In an effort to avoid loneliness and to cope with the demons of his failed relationships, he decided to fabricate a whole new version of his past. Basically making him a bold faced liar. So when I finally decided to throw in the towel and give up dating, I became involved with yet another man who hadn't been in a relationship since literally, last century. 

I'd like to say I have a broken 'picker' because I always seem to pick the wrong guy and that's why I'm still single. But I really can't say that because the truth is they picked me. So for whatever reason, I essentially attract and am attracted to the same guy, the guy who loves the thrill of the chase. Who ever so delicately, yet deliberately, seduces me with his determination to win me over. Only to become bored of me when I finally surrender. Who then no longer has the ability or desire to factor me into his life in any real way. Slowly but surely my priority rating in his life sinks lower and lower, so low at times that in one of those relationships, his lawn took precedence over me. Then after I finally bail, that's when they realize how great I am, how they can't live without me. They start sending flowers, buying me insanely expensive gifts and/or turn into my whipping boy, willing to do anything I request regardless of how humiliating it is. It's the same guy, the same routine, every single time. So obviously there is something about me, in my fabric, that consistently attracts this kind of man. Something must be broken in me that inevitably leads me down this same path of destruction. I don't know what it is. I don't know how to fix it. And honestly, who knows even if I could pinpoint it, if it's something that could be repaired. Perhaps its hardwired into my DNA. Who knows? But I do know that until I can some how figure out what 'it' is, that I simply shouldn't date because I'm the reason I'm still single."

But who really wants to hear that? I think we prefer to point fingers and assign blame to the other person in our failed realtionships because if we can make it about them, then it can't be us...and where's the fun in us being the fuck ups???

Peace, Love & Baseball,