*Sigh*

Seriously.

I'm not angry. I'm not butt hurt.

I thought he was different. I thought we were different.

I think I'm disappointed. I wish I could be angry. Angry is familiar. I can do angry. But disappointment, eh...? Disappointment is just an emotional hang over of hope and faith. Two things I RARELY allow myself to indulge in. What do you do with disappointment? Swallow two reality pills and sleep it off?

It's super disappointing to see that this "great connection" I thought he and I shared has been reduced to nothing more than sex. Fantastic mind blowing sex but sex just the same. My boss once told me that when someone shows you their ass, you better believe it. When I walked away from him and he didn't fight for me I guess that was him showing me his ass. And this, well, I guess it's nothing more than him showing me he IS an ass. So what's a girl to do? Not a damn thing...except try not to choke on my two very large pills of reality.

Peace, Love & Baseball,

Texts From the Ex

"Hi." - Me

"Uh, hi." - Lullabies

"How have you been?" - Me

"I've been good. What happened?" - Lullabies

"Happened?" - Me

"Yeah. You disappeared." - Lullabies

'Ugh. Oh. That." - Me

"?" - Lullabies

"I was hoping to avoid this conversation but if you really want to know, I'll tell you." - Me

"I wouldn't of asked if I didn't want to know." - Lullabies

"Ugh. Ok. You asked..." - Me

"When we were together it was you who would ask to see me everyday. It was you who asked for me to keep things at your place. It was you who went out of his way to make things comfortable for me in your home. I didn't ask anything of you. It was you who pulled away because it was "too much." I understood. I got it. So we became friends. I left you alone. I stopped inviting you to things. I started dating. We texted every day. We had sex. Things were fine until you pulled away again. I could only assume our friendship had become "too much." I could no longer deny that it was me that was "too much." Here I had given you everything you wanted and yet it was still "too much." So it stopped being fun. It didn't feel good anymore. Then suddenly, from one moment to the next, everything changed. I had a dream about you and in my dream you were familiar but we weren't. It was weird. From the day we started talking, I could see you always being in my life. Then when we got together,  I could see you being my life. I saw us married, having fantastic sex, always laughing until we couldn't breath, always geeking out together. But then after that dream, I could no longer see you in my life. It was clear to me my life is not supposed to be you. So I do what I do, I stopped." - Me

"It wasn't you." - Lullabies

"That's not important." - Me

"You couldn't at least say something?" - Lullabies

"Ha! No you sweet silly man. I warned you from day one. When I'm finally done, I'm done. No need for a talk or all the dramatics that come with it. It may take a while but when I'm ready to leave, I leave." - Me.

"But there was no warning. No explanation." - Lullabies

"Where you confused? Like seriously confused? Where you at home scratching your head wondering why I wouldn't respond?? Surely you are smarter than that. Surely you must know I am smarter than that. You made it clear I was not welcomed here. So I left. It was time to go.  Don't left your ego "confuse" you. Don't let it convince you I was were you wanted to be. And don't think for a second I'm going to let your ego confuse me into being drawn back to you." - Me

Peace, Love & Baseball,